Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
