From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
