I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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