God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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