Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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