it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
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I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
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I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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