Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
His nipple licking is glorious
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