You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
