Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
