"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
