No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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