Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
