I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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