i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
