omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
