soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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