Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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