why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
