I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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