Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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