i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
