dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
