you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
