32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
