she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
