My nipple is on Facebook.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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