i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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