he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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