I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
