I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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