I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
