can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
is wine microwaveable?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
