oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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