Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
