I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
