Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
