five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
