I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
