why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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