just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
