Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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