I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
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She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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