areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Couch. On fire.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
