We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
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Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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