Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
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