i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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