i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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