oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
