My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
