Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
