He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
