that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
is this the sara with the beer cane?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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