do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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