Will you blow on my dice?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
