she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
