By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
