ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
