chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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