2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
