I've blown a few things in my day
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
