I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
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From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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