I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
